Self-love is a unique and delicate kind of love.

Self-love is a unique and delicate kind of love. It’s a love that once you develop the foundation for it and consistently nourish it, it will grow and transform from a little caterpillar into a beautiful, free, and unstoppable butterfly.

But, the process takes time, hard work and above all else, consistent commitment. You won’t turn into a butterfly overnight. You may have heard the saying that it’s a marathon, not a sprint. This is what my journey looked like.

In the past, I struggled with yo-yo dieting and binge eating. I’d go through periods where I was “on a diet” and I’d lose weight - usually quickly, and then I’d look and feel “good” for an event or a trip and then once the accomplishment was achieved and the moment passed, I’d go back to my “pre-diet” eating habits and all my hard work would slowly unravel. Shortly after, I’d be back at square one - feeling defeated, unmotivated, frustrated and unhappy. The eating restrictions I placed on myself led to binge eating and what started as once a week turned into a couple times per week and eventually, it was a debilitating daily struggle. I hid food from friends and family, ashamed at my unhealthy eating habits. I remember going to the store, feeling a sense of excitement, almost euphoric, picking up bags of chips and chocolate and ice cream - all the things I craved that were off limits during the “diet period”. I’d go home and eat everything in private. Then, I’d throw the evidence out and I was left feeling stuffed, disgusted with myself, and full of shame and guilt. Anyone who has struggled with binge eating can likely relate to this vicious cycle. I felt zero control over my eating habits and I knew I had to work on putting an end to the binge eating, first and foremost. I decided to try therapy and thankfully, it helped. It took time but it helped.

It took a lot of work - there were ups and downs, but eventually I stopped with the binge eating. I still struggled with my weight and yo-yo dieting after that, but at least I dealt with one of my demons. I wasn’t content with how I looked or felt and it affected my self-confidence and self-worth. This internal struggle affected my relationships and how I perceived the world and everything around me. My dreams felt impossible to achieve and I never felt good enough. I questioned my self-worth because I didn’t feel good or comfortable in my own skin. So, what happened next? Well, I had an awakening. I remember sitting in the parking lot outside of Dollarama. Something came over me - I asked myself, why have I been neglecting my health? Not just my physical health but my mental health… Why didn’t I feel worthy enough of treating myself and my body with the utmost respect? That’s when something clicked and it’s like a switch was turned on - I made a decision right then and there that I was going to change my life from that moment forward. No matter what it took, how long the journey or how much work I’d have to put in, I was going to get into the best shape of my life, change my eating habits, and finally reach a point where I felt comfortable to step outside of my comfort zone, my cocoon.

At that point, I realized my self-worth. I was going to be with myself forever, so I needed to work on this relationship with myself, as it was the most important relationship I’ll ever be in. I called my mom and told her my plan - she supported me fully and told me I could do anything I set my mind to - she believed in me. I called a trainer that I worked with in the past and I told her I needed her help. A couple days later, I had a plan - a new eating plan, an exercise plan and I was committed to show up and keep pushing every single day going forward. It took months of sweat, tears and challenging moments, but the results started showing. My body composition started changing slowly. The scale started moving, but most of all, my mindset shifted. From day one of that journey, I told myself that this WAS a lifestyle - I wasn’t doing this for a quick fix, for a fleeting moment, I was following “this style’ for LIFE. That meant balance and if I wanted to have ice cream, I would have it. But, I’d make sure that I enjoyed it and then I’d move on and continue with my healthy eating lifestyle. Once that mentality kicked in, once the changes started happening, that’s when everything changed. EVERYTHING.

I was more energetic, alert, focused, ambitious, happy and confident. I started chasing dreams - the ones that seemed impossible before. I valued my self-worth above all. I reevaluated certain relationships in my life and started making moves. I was transforming. I was no longer a little caterpillar living in the safety of my cocoon. After nearly ten months, I had lost over 40 pounds and I loved my new life. For the first time ever, I was enjoying a balanced lifestyle, and creating the type of life I’ve always dreamed of, but felt was out of my reach. I had finally emerged out of the cocoon as a beautiful, free and unstoppable butterfly. - Maggie